How low would you go...?

Studying or observing human behavior can be rewarding in terms of equipping one with knowledge on handling daily encounters with the people all around us. However, as important as it can be, it by no means infers that the process itself is a pretty sight.

I (had the misfortune) of being introduced to a new friend today. Well, to skim past the details leading to my point, lets just say there was the general plan to go to the movies for a group of four. Unfortunately, the presence of the only other guy within the group is dependent on whether (or not) a specific girl was coming along. So it was either an outing for two, or an outing for four. I believe I do not need to elaborate on who this 'backbone'-less person was :P (No names; sorry)

Now, that on its own is not particularly... disturbing. I've seen it regularly enough amongst soooo many guys that I've given up on even pondering over it... or so I thought. Some people would really go out of their way to obtain opportunities to be around someone they're interested in. Depending on what one does, it either implies a certain level of desperation or (inversely) a respectable level of bravado. Will get to details in a while...

Anyway, it (inevitably) occured that this guy (er.. lets just refer to him as D... for desperate) learnt about the badminton sessions we have weekly. More precisely, D learnt that the girl of his dreams frequents the sessions nowadays. So what does he do? He asks the girl if he can join us... and she reroutes his request to me. D, thus, ends up asking me if he could join. At that point, I swear to you it was a form of begging. What could I say? The following was my dilemma:

• Thats the first day I met D. I'd *hate* to give a bad impression
• Thats the first day I met D. I'd *hate* to be the reason for his suicide :P
• Thats the first day I met D. I'd *hate* to be teachin him some much-needed sense

Well, my point is I don't know him well enough to know how he'd react to whatever answer I would or could give him. I was soooooooooo tempted to do one of the following (if not all):

• Ask the girl herself if she'd want him around (possible reason for his suicide :P)
• Give him 2 choices; a) Join us if its about badminton b) Get lost if its about a girl
• A simple NO

I did attempt the third one, albeit in a somewhat jovial (though merely implied) manner. He didn't get the hint, so I did what a nice guy would do; just say OK. Sure was a tough decision to make, and so far I'm still worried 'bout that decision. I'll stick to my 3-tries system for the time being. If I find his behaviour unbecoming of a sports-oriented mindset, I'll at least try step 2... or something more stern.

It does cross my mind on why I'd go to such elaborate pondering over a relatively minor issue. Personally, I'm not obligated to do anything on behalf of anyone. This time, you could say I'm selfish... behaviorally selfish. I want to maintain a level of discipline and professionalism (if thats the term to be used) within the scope of my badminton sessions. My desire to improve in this sport makes me want to ensure that they remain a satisfying experience, as well as socially neutral yet fun. Sure, in a social event, things could happen... but that is a form of natural order that I'm willing to live with. The keypoint is the motivation behind the sport itself is about the entirety and not the one. Go figure it out yourselves whether that made any sense :P Anyhow, the last thing I want right now is to see a half-hearted person who's too lovestruck to show any sincere dedication to an event that is important to me.

Furthermore, it disgusts me to see how low a man can go when in desperation. I've had my share of crushes and love interests, but I do not think it is worth losing my composure and especially my own ground when it puts my character at stake. I do believe that everyone needs opportunities when pursuing a person of interest, but there are several types of opportunities that I can think of (purely my personal viewpoint, these are):

• Coincidental, or just plain natural; Things just happened to go along nicely yet unexpectedly
• Passive decisiveness; One opts to make indirect opportunities by piggybacking on any available options
• Active decisiveness; You make your own opportunites, or attempt to

The second is what disgusts me. When you go out as a group, enjoy the social gathering or the event altogether. It does not justify the groups' trust or intention if the gathering is merely a facade for your own personal interests. It may not seem like much, but this possibly says a lot about character negativity; Is the person dependable when needed? Is the person honest about his ties to you? It could be that all the others are merely tools at his/her disposal, and *that* is despicable.

Inversely, the first involves moments that are somewhat memorable and appreciated for by most. However, I truly respect those who attempt the third method. If you want an opportunity, you make it for yourself. You like someone, you ask them out or you arrange your own group event. True, you need to have some sense in terms of choosing the suitability of timing and event to make it all matter. Regardless, the point is that it is better to have lost a war by fighting than to cower and run. Life *is* about taking intelligent risks. I believe that a person's character is truly complete when they are willing to dare the risks that matter the most.

You do not owe people your dignity; you merely owe them sincerity. That's my way of the ninja :P (Sorry... a bit of Naruto spirit there. Just finished watching a few episodes of it, so don't blame me)